I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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