White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize