I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
