My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
