Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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