yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
