Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My balls are so social today.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
