you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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