someone threw a dead crab at me
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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