Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
