My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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