Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just invented taco cereal.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
How naked do you want me to be?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
