Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
