she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize