I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
