i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she peed on how many people?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
