So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Your penis caused this!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
