If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
