She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
