Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
