remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
