So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
