Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
