So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
