i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
