Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
