Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The best revenge is premature balding
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
