my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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