YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
