just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
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