She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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