Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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