I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
