I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
