You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
