I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
