I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
