She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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