Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
