i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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