FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
