What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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