dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
