I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
