I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
