why didn't you poke me back
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
