he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
