I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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