Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
