One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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