Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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