You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Ketchup is God's man juice
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize