the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
