everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
