he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
