sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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