Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
