So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize