Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
