I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
