Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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