Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
