what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
