I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
