As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
