I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
