I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
