Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
