At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
