Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
