i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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