As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
