so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
