It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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